I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
