Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and she was petting her beer can
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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