The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
