Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
