Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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