I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
