The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
