Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize