I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
