She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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