if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
