wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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