PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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