High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize