i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
