What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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