Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
