What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
