Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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