I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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