she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
