I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
