dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
