you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
