So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
