i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
