i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
