I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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