At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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