Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
