Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
