I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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