During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
