i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
