I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
