I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize