she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
