how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
