I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
