Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
