I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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