question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
