I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
