Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize