Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
