we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I want is dick and wine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
