Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
