I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
