During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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