I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have tasted many bathrooms
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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