Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
