dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
