You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
