Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
