there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
