we have officially lost it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
