some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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