I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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