I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize