Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
