You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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