that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
