DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you never un-have a 4some
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
