How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
