Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
