Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
