When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
