Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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