i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
