so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
