college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize