I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
