We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
this is an emotional support booty call
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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