I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dicks are not precious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
