Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
