I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
