dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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