please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
