went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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