eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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