There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
