Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
