I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
