Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
