Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
