im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
