they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
