This is not my ceiling
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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