"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
