So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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