Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
