you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
