I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
