i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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