You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
