he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
