Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
