i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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