it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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