Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
