you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
