I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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